THE PERFECT STORM: PART II - 5 Keys to Understand and Manage Emotions
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and includes the opinion of the author. Information is not meant to diagnose, treat, or cure any illness or disease. It is simply information found through experience and research. Always follow the directives of a medical professional. Neither Anita Bastian or the publisher of the information takes any responsibility for actions readers take in regards to how they use or perceive the information. Readers are encouraged to do their own research.
In a previous article I focused on the physical toxins that exist in our world today. Toxins like heavy metals, parasitic infections, bacterial imbalances, radioactive elements, and mycotoxins from mold can potentially wreak havoc on our brain and our ability to think, learn, and feel whole. These toxins can cause us to feel unwell and are linked to many mental health issues. Haven’t read Part I? Click here for article.
There are other aspects of our being that are also part of The Perfect Storm. Emotional toxins. Emotions are such an interesting topic. Yet for some reason, many don’t like to talk about them. Often, I find that people think emotions just happen and there is nothing we can do about them. (I used to think this way too! I didn’t know any different.)
There are many definitions of emotions. (Which shows they are hard to define.) By one definition, an emotion is “a spontaneous or conscious feeling accompanied by physiological changes such as increased or decreased heart rate or release of neurotransmitters such as adrenaline or oxytocin.” Because of this powerful link between the physiological wellness of our body and our emotional health. Improving one can support the other and visa-versa. Check out this article to learn how to use the power of your heart to manage emotions. Brain-Heart Connection Article.
Not addressing negative thoughts and emotions can allow them to become toxic to us. They can keep our body in a state of stress producing excess cortisol and adrenaline. This can keep us from being able to relax. It also may negatively impact our ability to fully digest and absorb nutrients. Many psychologists today are starting to realize the power of techniques that involve our physical nature – not just talk therapy. Yay!!
We are created as beings with these different aspects – physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual. All these aspects of our being are not separate from one another, they are intertwined. When you nurture any of one of these three areas you will have a positive effect on the others as well. (If you neglect any aspect of your being, you will have a negative impact on the others.) I have learned that it is best not to just work on one area in isolation, but to utilize an integrated approach that supports all aspects of how we are created (physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual).
Today I’d like to focus on the emotional aspect of our being. Since emotions have such a big impact on our brain function and our overall wellness, we need tools and a deeper understanding of our emotions. We need to let go of the outdated thinking that emotional or mental health is a separate from physical health. The better we understand how emotions work and affect us, the better we are equipped to manage them. (So – we don’t let toxic emotions control us, hinder our brain function, or lead us to make poor choices.)
Understand that I am not a trained mental or emotional health professional. All that I share is from personal experience and learning that took place along the way from a variety of sources and situations. It’s a compilation of deeper reflection on the topic of emotions. I pray there will be something from this information that will be a blessing to you.
HERE ARE MY 5 KEY UNDERSTANDINGS TO HELP MANAGE EMOTIONS (Note: Now may be a good time to take a deep breath, hold it momentarily, and slowly release it. Then read on. 😊)
1. We need to own our emotions. I think we have all caught ourselves saying, “He, she, or that makes me so mad!” He, she or it MAKES us mad? When we say this it’s as if we have no control over our emotions. While certain words, places, or people may trigger an emotional response such as anger or fear, we still have a choice in how we respond to them. (Although in cases of extreme emotional trauma there may be triggers that cause a more spontaneous emotional response—and additional support should be sought. to help release these emotions.) In most instances, is not as though people in our lives are thrusting the emotion of anger upon us and “making” us mad. It may feel that way, but we ultimatly have control of our emotional response. Think about how when a person say something to various people. Each person can have a different take on it and therefore, a different emotional response. We are not a victim of our emotions.
It’s good to challenge ourselves to take more responsibility for our feelings. We can express our feelings by saying, “I feel angry when you do that.” (Rather than you make me so mad!) In the book of Ephesians it says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” We do have a choice. We can choose to let the anger consume us and mess with us. Or we can acknowledge we feel angry, sit with it (take a few deep breaths to shift, calm, and reset your system), and see if we can understand why we are feeling angry. Then from a place of greater emotional balance, determine our next steps. We have to be willing to do the emotional work, often with the help of trusted individuals, to release held, trapped, or stubborn emotions that don’t serve us. Reach out for resources.
2. We can learn from our emotions. Once we better understand what we are really angry about, we can decide what to do about it. In essence, we can learn from our emotions. Where is this anger coming from? Is there anything I can do? If not, let it go. Holding onto this anger isn’t serving you or maybe it isn’t your problem to solve right now. If there is something that can be done to make the situation better, what is it? If you don’t know what to do, keep praying for wisdom until you do know what your next step is. Either way, you can thank the anger for coming and showing you what you need to address. Then release the anger, it is no longer needed. It has served its purpose. Holding onto anger leads to hatred and bitterness – both are very harmful to yourself, your relationships, and society in general. This is when emotions can be said to be toxic. Your body responds to emotional stress as if it were physical stress. Again, help may be needed to release held emotions that don’t serve us. Reach out for resources.
3. Powerful emotions can hijack our ability to think clearly and make good decisions. Fear is a sneaky emotion that can hijack our thinking. Often, we don’t even know fear has a hold on us. When we are driven by thoughts, “that I have to do this or else (something bad will happen to me or someone else)” OR when we are stuck in a state of paralysis not knowing what to do, we are letting fear have its way with us and we don’t even realize it! But I am here to tell you - we don’t have to! (Again, if the fear is induced from a major traumatic event, get help to release it. It is likely something you cannot release on your own.)
Marketing uses fear as a tactic to get us to act a certain way, buy their product, or take the steps they want us to take. If you see marketing that tells you that you need to do this to be safe or to keep others safe – they are leading you to be fearful. Once they have you in a state of fear, your brain’s ability to think clearly is impaired. Your brain has unknowingly been hijacked by fear; you won’t know what to do so they “help” you by telling you what to do. Your common sense goes right out the window! They want you to respond by doing what they want you to do (not necessarily what is best for you). Great marketing tactic -hijack your ability to think clearly! Now that you are aware of this tactic, you will be watching for it. Don’t let others think for you. Recognize it is a fear tactic, and so you can think with a calm mind, uninhibited by fear. When you do this, you are apt to respond by doing more research on your own, seeking additional information, and making a better decision for yourself.
One way to tell if you are in fear mode is that you are not open to new information. You won’t allow yourself to consider a different perspective. It’s as if you are closed off because you feel threatened. What is the threat? There must be something deeper keeping you from allowing yourself to be open to ideas or options that could actually help you make a more informed decision. If you aren’t able to consider new information, it’s likely you are stuck in fear mode, please seek help. You don’t want to be stuck in a place from which you can’t think clearly and make wise decisions. (I acknowledge, these are the toughest situations. Those caught up in this state, do not recognize it as such. Never give up seeking God’s help, guidance, and consideration of resources that present themselves to help others.)
4. Before stepping into a potentially challenging situation, we can prepare. We all have one or two emotionally challenging relationships. Prior to interacting with people that we find challenging, we can put ourselves in a calm state of mind and heart ready to step into conversations with the intent to better understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Not judging or seeking to correct them. (This takes focus, practice, and hard work.) We can strive to come from a place of love, listen to gain better understanding, and to show them that you care about what they think and how they feel. Share your thoughts out of love, reflecting to them your new understanding of their view. We may never see eye to eye, but we can all still be respectful.
5. It’s best not to fight or hold onto emotions. Instead strive to acknowledge them, seek to appropriately express them, allow them to just be, and/or to teach us what we need to know -- then release them. Negative thoughts and emotions are not meant to be held onto like our favorite coffee mug. They are not meant to make their home within us. They should just serve their purpose and move on out. When negative emotions are held they become toxic to us and those around us. (The one emotion that should remain as an emotional anchor in our heart is love – received freely as a gift from God and given joyfully as a blessing to others.) We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19 Connect to learn more.
But as I said earlier, this takes desire and intentional practice, practice, practice-- and sometimes professional help. I don’t know that we ever will really master our emotions. If someone reading this has – please get in touch with me. I’d love to meet you! We can all grow in our awareness of emotions and how to manage them. In so doing, we are better equipped to enjoy the life God intends for us and be a blessing to others.
Which of the 5 keys to managing your emotions resonates most with you? Perhaps that is a good one to take in more deeply and start to practice today.
Final thought - Even positive emotions come and go. Imagine if we stayed in a state of excitement all the time. We would wear ourselves out! 😊
Blessings as you journey through life enjoying and managing the many emotions that come along with it. May you get a little better every day!
--Anita